Friday 10 July 2015

Heart and Home

Relationships

They are a funny old thing aren't they.

The GF and I were chatting yesterday, as we wandered around the supermarket. About many things. But mostly about how we are now. This lovely familiar existence we have carved out for ourselves.

Me:- Would you want to go back?
GF:- To the beginning...... Hmm. No.
Me:- Right there with you...


Don't get me wrong. We didn't get to where we are now through a multitude of blood, sweat and tears. And no, neither was it an easy road. There were a lot of other things in both our lives at play at the time that were HUGE and how we have any brain cells left is beyond me. But it's not that bit we were talking about.

That first flush. that MOMENT when you know something is beginning and everything they do is amazing and uplifting and you can't eat, or sleep or breathe without them being near. They cause such distraction in your life that you can't think about anything but them, or spending time with them. Your ability to multi tasks grinds to a halt, and you find yourself reading the same sentence over and over again, or stirring the same cup of tea repeatedly. When you see them, you sweat so much you're in danger of dehydrating, and the thought of them being next to you or when you are due to see them again, nearly induces a heart attack. You suffer from Insomnia, paranoia, develop a stutter and lose 1/2 a stone through being anxious...... ALL THE TIME. Life is VIVID in colour and over stimulating. HD is MEGA HD with all the bells and whistles and and..... well, it's all a bit much. Your 30 something self is reduced to being 15 all over again.

It was WONDERFUL and truly exhausting. But that isn't a relationship. THAT, is being at the total mercy of chemicals racing around your body so fast they rival the Hadron Collider for particle speed. I was not in control of a lot of things. It was like driving an amazing car, so fast, you were on the cusp of crashing the entire time.

Exhilarating? Yes. Comfortable? Not really.

And so after this phase passes, there is the 'getting to know each other properly without the rose tinted chemical fog specs on'...I don't want to repeat this phase either. The part where you throw both your respective lives up in the air, allow the pieces to fall in to one box, and then slowly, shift around to get comfortable in new yet slightly familiar surroundings.

I know. I make it sound like it is all rather annoying. It kinda was. I have Aspergers. So does the GF. Neither of us a big fan of change. I uprooted my entire existence to be with her. And in the process disrupted HER entire existence by squeezing mine into her space. To begin with it was like being in a lift with entirely too many people in it so that when you tried to wave to someone, you could only  do it awkwardly from the elbow. Slowly but surely, we sorted through the 'lift' and figured out a way to both coexist quite happily and favourably.

I ADORE what we have now. She is the most comfortable person in the entire universe I can be with. Our home is a safe zone of mutual understanding of each others needs. But that is only because she is there. Without her it would just be a roof over my head. Not a home.

She is an Anchor. When the sea of life gets rough we weather the storm together. Or sit and watch the lightening whilst eating popcorn. When I see her face, my face smiles. When she laughs my spirits take off like a redsetter after a ball. I can say, 'remember that time when....' and she will shout PENGUIN!
Or 'It's that day' and I will say, 'I know.' And then Hugs follow with no words.
It's situations when quick eye contact is all that is needed to dissolve in to fits of giggles.
Or an eyebrow raise followed by a nod of understanding.

Does she annoy me? YES! But it doesn't bother me because I know I annoy her JUST as much. The part I love more than anything is knowing that not only have I picked a winner for the ride of life, but I get my best mate at the same time. Thick as thieves, but definitively couple, I wouldn't swap this part for the universe. We are still learning about each others lives everyday. I discover more about her as we progress. Do I know the whole of her? No. But I will spend a lifetime happily trying to.

However, if by some misfortune, I ended up losing my memory (which is a bit of a fear of mine) I would of course, woo her again in a heart beat. Because She's my Girl. And long may that reign.

Giraffe xox

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