Strange thing. Stumbled across this little deviant on a friends Blog. And I thought. Hmmm what have I considered being in my life? What did I want to be? Because I sure as hell don't remember sitting playing with my toys pretending to be a Manager.......
|Considered|
A forensics scientist, Crime Scene Investigator, A fashion designer, journalist, psychologist. A marine biologist, A researcher. Ballet dancer, teacher, graphic designer. A photographer. A computer engineer, nuclear physicist, A musician, a Singer. A journalist. Archaeologist, A writer........
|Most seriously| Musician and Singer.......And a Writer.
|Dreamt of being|
Lara Croft (seriously), CSI, A biologist, A journalist, a photographer, A hero, Someone who changed society and the way it thinks. Free, Famous. Rich. Living in New York. A Musician.
-Being Strong-
|Currently| (Sighs) - Working in management.........
After reading the above I sat for a short while lamenting on the huh?!? HOW THE HELL did I go from all of that, to here??? And I think at some point, I got caught up in the playing the part I thought I should play, and forgot all about the what do I want to be........
As children we dream sooo big. And so we should. The universe is quite rightly the playground for our minds and our only limit is our beautiful imagination. We pretend we are already a vet/doctor/soldier/teacher/astronaut and act on this pretence, sometimes daily much to our parents chagrin. We role play constantly and wish our childhood away in batches to become an adult because we see it as something amazing. Adults have such power and control. They can drive cars. They can stay up late. They can eat chocolate for breakfast and drink wine.
They are the, when I grow up I want to be's.........
And then you get there....
And its not so easy.
That power and control brings something else. Responsibility, Duty, Financial commitment, and some times it REALLY sucks. AND yes. Muma said there would be days like this........However I didn't know she really meant there would be days like THIS.......
As you progress into adulthood (Not the 18's and 21's, I mean the paying the bills, punch in o'clock, feeding yourself adulthood) there comes that moment when you suddenly stop stock still and think. How the HECKITTY did I end up here!!!!! Much swivelling of the head is done, as you do a 360 spin and try to ascertain the path you took that deposited you into the life you currently lead.
For some, its exactly what they wanted. Bravo! Well Done. I mean, really well done no sarcasm meant. They have worked hard for it, and achieved it. But I think for most, its a balancing act of having fallen into something that can pay bills and put food in your mouth and something that’s tolerable on a daily basis. I personally made my way down this path chasing a Salary. I leapt and sprang like something possessed after the next higher paid job. Because I wanted to do a particular job when I left School. And when I started down the path towards it, I discovered that I really really didn't want to do it after all. It just didn't fit.
So I ended up desperately searching for something. Although I had not a clue what that something was. So instead I read job the specs and every time thought, ah man this is it! This is what I want to do. It never really was. And so I perpetuated this cycle. If its not what I want, at least it pays well. I wasn't until much later I discovered that being paid well, does not equate to enjoying your job. And putting up with hell for a pay cheque, is NEVER worth it.
In the 1980's women were told they could have it all. You could kick arse in your American footballer shoulder padded power suit, whilst paying for a Nanny to bring up those children you popped out in-between high profile meetings. In fact, you didn't even have to have children! (That suited me fine, I have never wanted to push a watermelon out of my fufu.)
In the 1990's for me, it was about walking around head to toe in denim. There were baggy cardigans with cropped tops, and we were all wearing round shades and thought we were anarchists. I dreamt of being a journalist or a photographer, Or Lara Croft.
But in the end, I followed the legions of my fellow peers into the higher education, School - College - Uni. fully knowing I loathed academic institutions. So why did I go?
Somewhere along the way I thought I had simply had to go. That you couldn't not go. And I think really it was all because I didn't even know who I was, (but who does at 19) and instead of giving myself time to find out, staggered blindly from one situation to another! Or, I think perhaps it was this. I never fitted into what I thought society deemed as 'right'. Or 'normal'. And because of this, I think I was too afraid to be me. Or too afraid of what that meant.
I read recently, somewhere, I can't remember where, that women are most beautiful in their 30's. That those who look back at that decade wish they had dared more. Worn that dress/shoes/jacket. Dyed their hair, got that Tattoo. Had more photos taken. Because they look back and realise that they were beautiful, and want smack themselves silly for not seeing it! And so, having recently reached this wonderful age I have realised something.
30, is glorious. And really, better than 20. I know who I am, within reason, and I have a lot more sense of self. I am standing at the edge of something wonderful, and the world, literally is my oyster. I can still be, whatever I want to be.........
My only limitation? Me..................
-~-
|Considered|
A forensics scientist, Crime Scene Investigator, A fashion designer, journalist, psychologist. A marine biologist, A researcher. Ballet dancer, teacher, graphic designer. A photographer. A computer engineer, nuclear physicist, A musician, a Singer. A journalist. Archaeologist, A writer........
|Most seriously| Musician and Singer.......And a Writer.
|Dreamt of being|
Lara Croft (seriously), CSI, A biologist, A journalist, a photographer, A hero, Someone who changed society and the way it thinks. Free, Famous. Rich. Living in New York. A Musician.
-Being Strong-
|Currently| (Sighs) - Working in management.........
After reading the above I sat for a short while lamenting on the huh?!? HOW THE HELL did I go from all of that, to here??? And I think at some point, I got caught up in the playing the part I thought I should play, and forgot all about the what do I want to be........
As children we dream sooo big. And so we should. The universe is quite rightly the playground for our minds and our only limit is our beautiful imagination. We pretend we are already a vet/doctor/soldier/teacher/astronaut and act on this pretence, sometimes daily much to our parents chagrin. We role play constantly and wish our childhood away in batches to become an adult because we see it as something amazing. Adults have such power and control. They can drive cars. They can stay up late. They can eat chocolate for breakfast and drink wine.
They are the, when I grow up I want to be's.........
And then you get there....
And its not so easy.
That power and control brings something else. Responsibility, Duty, Financial commitment, and some times it REALLY sucks. AND yes. Muma said there would be days like this........However I didn't know she really meant there would be days like THIS.......
As you progress into adulthood (Not the 18's and 21's, I mean the paying the bills, punch in o'clock, feeding yourself adulthood) there comes that moment when you suddenly stop stock still and think. How the HECKITTY did I end up here!!!!! Much swivelling of the head is done, as you do a 360 spin and try to ascertain the path you took that deposited you into the life you currently lead.
For some, its exactly what they wanted. Bravo! Well Done. I mean, really well done no sarcasm meant. They have worked hard for it, and achieved it. But I think for most, its a balancing act of having fallen into something that can pay bills and put food in your mouth and something that’s tolerable on a daily basis. I personally made my way down this path chasing a Salary. I leapt and sprang like something possessed after the next higher paid job. Because I wanted to do a particular job when I left School. And when I started down the path towards it, I discovered that I really really didn't want to do it after all. It just didn't fit.
So I ended up desperately searching for something. Although I had not a clue what that something was. So instead I read job the specs and every time thought, ah man this is it! This is what I want to do. It never really was. And so I perpetuated this cycle. If its not what I want, at least it pays well. I wasn't until much later I discovered that being paid well, does not equate to enjoying your job. And putting up with hell for a pay cheque, is NEVER worth it.
In the 1980's women were told they could have it all. You could kick arse in your American footballer shoulder padded power suit, whilst paying for a Nanny to bring up those children you popped out in-between high profile meetings. In fact, you didn't even have to have children! (That suited me fine, I have never wanted to push a watermelon out of my fufu.)
In the 1990's for me, it was about walking around head to toe in denim. There were baggy cardigans with cropped tops, and we were all wearing round shades and thought we were anarchists. I dreamt of being a journalist or a photographer, Or Lara Croft.
But in the end, I followed the legions of my fellow peers into the higher education, School - College - Uni. fully knowing I loathed academic institutions. So why did I go?
Somewhere along the way I thought I had simply had to go. That you couldn't not go. And I think really it was all because I didn't even know who I was, (but who does at 19) and instead of giving myself time to find out, staggered blindly from one situation to another! Or, I think perhaps it was this. I never fitted into what I thought society deemed as 'right'. Or 'normal'. And because of this, I think I was too afraid to be me. Or too afraid of what that meant.
I read recently, somewhere, I can't remember where, that women are most beautiful in their 30's. That those who look back at that decade wish they had dared more. Worn that dress/shoes/jacket. Dyed their hair, got that Tattoo. Had more photos taken. Because they look back and realise that they were beautiful, and want smack themselves silly for not seeing it! And so, having recently reached this wonderful age I have realised something.
30, is glorious. And really, better than 20. I know who I am, within reason, and I have a lot more sense of self. I am standing at the edge of something wonderful, and the world, literally is my oyster. I can still be, whatever I want to be.........
My only limitation? Me..................
-~-
omg totally rocks, ur an awesome writer xoxoxxo sharon
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