Oddest Shopping list ever.......

It wasn’t even 9am and I was hugging my ribs for fear that they would fracture into a million pieces. The Deviant Damsels have struck again. Again, we start out innocuously enough. I am manning a different building this week. But still managing staff. (who am I kidding……they destroy what little nervous system I have left?) The post is delivered by the rabbit who is still going through her divorce. Cue much feet stamping and hollering of her soon to be Ex husband’s name. Random as ever, (bless the rabbit for I have sinned) she suddenly declares that her and her beau went shopping at Sainsbury's last night. Perfectly normal thing to do. I often go shopping at Sainsbury's. Then she suddenly pipes up with, ‘Yeah, we bought toys’……. Followed by massive grin.

I always worry when things like this are left wafting around in conversations. My poor little frazzled brain starts inching its way slowly backwards towards a dark corner in the recess of my head for safety. Stupidly, I raise an eyebrow, and dive in.

Me - Toys? 

Rabbit - Yeah Toys. 

Me - Oooook. At the risk of causing a brain haemorrhage, what sort of toys? 

Rabbit – Boss! Not those sort of toys boss. I have a plastic zebra and a rubber giraffe on my desk at work now. OH and a squishy loo…. *raised eyebrow from me* 

Me - Hokay. *Silence* Rabbit - Although we did look at vibrating cock rings……….

At this point there is a short bark of laughter from the other lady I am on reception with, as I clamp my hand to my mouth and my eyebrows fall off my face.

Rabbit - What? They sell vibrating cock rings in Sainsbury’s. And different condoms, and lube….. We were going to look at vibrators as well but… 

 By this point I am holding up my hand as my colleague is crying with laughter at the look on my face, and the topic of conversation. I managed to regain enough composure to ask her who on earth goes to Sainsbury’s to do their food shopping and picks up a plastic Zebra, a squishy toy and thinks, oh after I’ve picked up the milk I must remember to pick up a vibrating cock ring…… WHO?!?!?!? And, I say to her, don’t get me started on the fact you’ve put a plastic Zebra and a vibrating cock ring in the same sentence!! We start to calm down a bit and just when I thought it was safe to resume normal service I am treated to this charmer…….. 

Rabbit - To be honest, he was a bit worried it would be too big for him. I assured him he would grow into it. Or we could pad it or something……. 

 Nothing. I have nothing. I am crying. I am holding on to the desk and crying. They could pad it. Oh dear God………..My colleague is ending herself and I have tears streaming down my face. To add to this, we then have a flash back moment to the rolling pin incident (see blog shower heads, rolling pins etc) and then we are off. And this is all before 9am in the morning. The final insult, was when a fellow male team leader walked into reception, and declared… Morning ladies, sorry I’m a bit hot and sweaty but I’ve just finished riding me bike………….. Bloody hell………………….. *faceplantspalm*