Posted elsewhere on the 28th June
You know. I’ve done it. I’ve turned thirty and survived. I have waved bye bye to my twenties, and i am now in thirtydom.
Bugger…………….
Well, at least that’s what I thought. Until the adjustment phase of being thirty had passed and I could actually say my age without sounding like I am hacking up a fur ball.
Bizarrely i had a flash of insight as i was dying my eyelashes and reading Cosmo’s article on 75 things to do before you die……
I have actually achieved a lot in my very short 30 years on this planet. I have a lot to be thankful for and I should give myself a break a heck of a lot more often. Not everyone could have discovered the theory of relativity, there are plenty who didn’t, and they are quiet content being them, so therefore, i should be more comfortable in my own skin.
In a brief synopsis.
I was born. (Ok, that wasn’t really down to me per say, however i could have disagreed a lot more with the whole birthing process…..)
I got through the 1980’s education system in England. And surprisingly got through an all girls secondary school in the 1990’s (Ok, again, not a show stopper, but YOU try being with 800 girls for 5 years and see how sane you are....... i got my a’s, b’s and c’s and off i went…)
But that’s the whole point isn’t it? My life isn’t supposed to be a show stopper. It doesn’t have to make the world sit up and beg. Heck, it doesn’t even have to startle me and mine. But it should be important to me at least. I don’t have to BE the sex in the city, working woman, in stilettos, shagging every man/woman from here to timbucktoo, owning expensive shoes/flat/car/handbag etc etc. Who gives a fuck?! Do you?? If your reading this, you don’t have a CLUE who i am. Your not going to judge me on whether my car is a convertible, or off the road (its the latter btw.) Or if i live in a big house in the city/country somewhere.
Through my ongoing journey across this little corner of my universe. I think, i have in fact achieved a lot.
I have battle Anorexia and Bulimia and won. (*shoots hands in air* I can’t help it. This one i am FINALLY proud off) I can play the piano, guitar,and ukulele. I LOVE music. I dance around the kitchen to it, i shake my bum in my pants around the bedroom to it, and i jiggle to it when i am on the bus. (Also recently, more alarmingly i have taken to dancing at the bus stop whilst wearing my iPod)
I paint. These are not brilliant pieces of artwork. I will not be in a gallery. But i like them. I have been to Uni, decided i hated it and left. I have survived an abusive relationship. (I think most people have been here to one degree or another with someone) I have had relationships with woman. I have had relationships with men. I have gradually become comfortable in my own skin. Accept i am a Geek, I loves Sci-Fi, Crime Dramas and MASH. I adore a specific Sci-Fi actress, and would if i could, but would faint if she did. I have discovered that i don’t like to drink a lot. I adore Tea and in this sense i am truly British. I swear too much and shouldn’t.
I got married once & dipped my toe in the parenting world. Not full time, but enough for me....... I have moved too many times to count. And always have one box that never quite makes it to being unpacked anywhere i have lived. By the time i was 26 i had bought my own home and was running my own business. (That does sound pretty good doesn’t it?) At 28 it had all gone Pete tong, (Thank you Gordon Brown with your small business’s must DIE tax) and i was back out in the scary world of temping, and then on again in to a permanent job in management.
I have learnt to cook, bake, sew, fix, mend, break and create things. I can iron, change a tap washer, wire a plug, blow fuse, a circuit board, install memory on a computer, build one and break one. I can poison you with food and make your taste buds sit up and sing with cake and cookies. I can make a bed, roll out of it, into it, off it and crawl under it. I have discovered i can discipline and comfort in the same sentence. And I now know i would run out in front of a car for someone without hesitating.
I have cried, laughed, snorted and wailed sometimes in the same breathe. I have hated myself, the world, my parents and life to such a degree that i contemplated a way out. I have learnt, broken, snapped, frayed my heart and nerves more than i would care to recall and had more fashion disasters than i care to re tell. I have fallen in love with my life and out of love with it, more times than some teenagers have crushes. I have bought books because i thought i should, and not bought books i genuinely would have loved to read, because i thought i shouldn’t. I run from spiders, wasps, bees and crane flies........
I challenge myself constantly to learn more about me, to learn from my parents mistakes, and to try see others for who they are, not what i want them to be. (There is a MASSIVE difference. Especially with parents.) Sometimes who they are you can live with. Sometimes you can’t……
Mostly, as i sit and re-read the spouting on the page i realise something.
I am me. Me is ok. I have done a lot. And i still have so much more to look forward to. So thirtydom, here i come. May your reign be glorious, as we sail S L O W L Y towards 40tydom.
I am woman. Hear me RAWR.
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