Shower heads, Rolling pins and my Sanity in the Bin.......

So yesterday started out innocuously enough. I did my work. I managed my team. I did my job.

Now, just a weee snippet of background info on my team. I manage a predominately female team and we have one Chap who is in his early twenties. I sometimes worry about him but everyday he manages to tolerate my lovely bunch of deviants. Such are my, well mannered, hard working, and perversely twisted team. If you cast your eyes over this lovely bunch of ladies, ranging from late 20's to early 50's you wouldn't think anything dramatically out of the ordinary. You would think, your normal bunch of back office workers. Your normal Admin Personnel.

OH You could NOT be more wrong...........

Because behind that facade, that exterior of professionalism. Lies the beating hearts of some rather dark minded, 15 year old teenage deviants who i suspect are all not getting enough at home from the tone of conversation recently. (Well except one lady. She is in a new relationship so she is practically a bunny and regales us with tales ranging from forests to wardrobes, however I digress…..) I have gotten used to the sheer mind bending lunacy that exists within my incredibly productive team. And please let me tell you I wouldn't swap them for the world. But I will admit to this.... that sometimes, occasionally, they worry me.

Take yesterday as an example. They had been hyper ALL DAY. Every time I had left the office I came back to a giggling mass of teenagers. Rather than discover what it is they are talking about (because its bound to be sex/penis/fanny/fart/booby related) I crack on with the business case I have been working on all day. I walked away once again later on that afternoon to talk to one of my managers about a project. He sits at the top of the open plan office we are in, so he is not far away at all and low and behold as I walk back down the office I find the entire group of them crying in silent laughter. (One shouldn't G'faw outloud in an open plan office) The conversation had (once again) disappeared down the perverse rabbit hole. I stupidly asked what was going on. And you have probably had this same experience…..the one where once you hear something you cannot un-hear it, the image it gifts to you is not one you wanted…..

Lady 1 - (rabbit) I am really tired you know
Lady 2 - Oh yeah. I bet *wink wink*.
Lady 1 - No no no not like that. Just normal tired.

The conversation appears normal. Until someone mentions having a shower. We then get this delight....

Lady 3 - Yeah, but, you know what. The shower head trick really works.
Lady 1 - What shower head trick.
Lady 3 – The one from the scene from 40 year old virgin. The lady gets rather excited with the power shower head…….
Lady 1 - Oh really
Lady 3 – Yeah let me tell you, it REALLY works
Lady 2 - How the hell did we get to that?
Lady 3 – You mentioned showers. Actually I shouldn't have told you that. I'm giving you all my trade secrets.
Lady 5 - (early 50's lady) You know what else works in a pinch....... A rolling pin.

*cue tumble weed moment*

HOLD UP. A frigging rolling pin!!!!! A rolling pin. Dear God! By this point my eyebrows have literally crawled up into my scalp and I am sat there with my jaw slithering around down by my ankles.

Lady 3 – (turning to me) Yeah, Boss I'm giving away all my trade secrets.
Me: - The thing that concerns me in that sentence is that you HAVE a trade. What do you DO outside of work???? (She really does alarm me sometimes)

They all calmed down a bit, when suddenly there is a small squeak of laughter. One of them had sent an email to Lady 2 about the rolling pin statement. Now Lady 5 is known as the cake lady in our office. Yup the one who had chipped in that magic nugget about the rolling pin. The email said, 'Well, I'm never eating her bloody cakes again'. Whilst they are all laughing there heads off, I am sat there pondering. You know, one does not make a cake with a rolling pin. One does however roll pastry with one…..

So, on my way out the office to another meeting I simply said this....

'I'd be more worried about her sausage rolls.....'